On June 30 in 1905, Albert Einstein published his paper on Special Theory of Relativity called “On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies” which reconciles Maxwell’s equations for electricity and magnetism with the laws of mechanics, by introducing major changes to mechanics close to the speed of light.
Whoa! Talk about a great reason to party.
Yes, it is a night when brains rule over brawn. Knowledge defeats trivia. It is a night for Nerds to join the realworld, even if it is only to fix your fckdup computer. For that task it is best to have all the Nerds you can yank away from their keyboards, so they can talk technobabble about what is wrong with your sucky pc. And since they will only talk to each other anyway, you don’t even have to socialize with them. Just provide Grub and drink.

Cocktail: Introduce your guests to the Nerd-Wacker
Grub: Pizza
Nostalga Moment: recount the first you used Albert’s rubber matt theory of gravity to get laid.
PartyMix: Swing Music from when Einstein was at Princeton
DVD: I.Q. (1994) It’s got Meg Ryan as Enstein’s niece and Walter Matthau as an Albert looking  for a little  Whoopee!

Noni The Intern

Campus SWAT Team Raids College Radio Station
by Patton Lee Beaugus

GPN News, NYC — In a special appearance at Connecticut station WCON, while protesting for intern rights, Noni the Intern of the Guy Comedy Network announced she was all natural, which is Texan for au naturale, which translates in Connectican into “birthday suit-time” or at least that’s what listeners thought.

A complaint was lodged by John Michael Pendley, a member in God’s good grace of the Campus Crusade For Christ. Pendley claimed Noni was making all the CCC members lose their inhibitions on clothing and proper deportment as Christians and were in a “pre-pagan-orgy mode” in the Christian Reading Room. “They were even discussing Darwin in a positive light.”

Chief Eric Derrick rushed down to the radio station with eight members of the University ROTC SWAT Team armed with glocks and rubber truncheons, and 316 students armed with phone cameras. They arrived only to discover that it was a phone interview — as in like being conducted over the telephone.

After showing his diappointment by kicking the “Keep Off The Grass” sign thru the WCON window, Chief Derrick stated that Noni’s gross actions and shameless behavior were an incitement to riot. He vowed to arrest Noni, if she ever set a foot on the campus.

“I’d like to see her try her naked protest stunts around a SWAT team with nightsticks and the ability to use them,” he said.

Noni The Intern was not available for comment, as she was busy giving it up at a PETA protest of G-Force to Pay The Gerbils SAG scale.

Information authenticated by Patton Lee Beaugus Public Relations
hypervaricating for the stars since 1067

My typing sucks because my fingers are dyslexic — so dyslexic I’m thinking of applying for a handicapped space bar on my keyboard.

Anyway, I wanted to type the words “Great Satan” in this blog that isn’t this particular blog, and it came out “Great Satin” and I thought, “Whoa!  The Great Satin.  That’s sound kinda cool. Much cooler than what I was writing at the time, anyway.” 

I had a sartori, which is not an item of clothing worn by a geisha.  My sartori was that P. Bam is the Great Satin.  As smooth as, at least.

So when I’m next protesting in Tehran, Baghdad, or Munster, Indiana, “the Great Satin” is what I’m putting on my sign under a photo of a mutty-dude with really big ears. 

I think it’ll get a lot of attention. Maybe even make the cable news if I send in my own iReport.

And if that works, I can rent the other side of the sign for a local White Sile.

Even radio talk show hosts and the bar-buddy-challenged who call-in to them, they understand that we are living in uncertain times.

Democrats seem to believe more and more programs and more and more money injected quickly will save the world economy. Republicans seem to believe that these same acts will doom all of America’s great-grandchildren who aren’t aborted to a crushing debt in a socialist hell full of illegal aliens, lawyers and drug addicts.

Are they both right?  Will what will work in the short term maim us in the long term?  It’s uncertain.

And that’s the problem.  Uncertainty.  And about that I’m certain.

Uncertainty carries its own penalty.  That penalty is paralysis by analysis.  All the analysts are trying to figure out what’s next rather than how to take advantage of what’s next.

We need what’s next now. We need to hurry up the future.  Make the big decisions now.  Pass Health Care. Restart full relations with Cuba.  Make Sarah Palin the 2012 nominee of the Republican Party.  Choose the next American idol as a Supreme Court Justice.  And we need to do all that asap.  Yesterday, if not sooner.  Not that these are good decisions.  Actually, that’s not as important as making decisions.

From Wall Street to Omaha, we have the kind of entrepenurial business people who know how to bend the rules to expand the economy by increasing the “multiplier effect” of putting money in and out of their pockets… which will trickle down to you and me.   But these Financial Geniuses are currently stymied because no one can move forward and bend the rules when you don’t what the rules are going to be.  Or who will look how far the other way when it comes to enforcement. So our economy is on a slow hold.  A  slowing of the bad, waiting to start into the good.

We need our economic leaders to do their thing and grow the economy.  The next Gates, the next Jobs, the next Madoff are just waiting to see what the field is going to look like before they buy, sell, leverage, or scam.

It’s decision time, boys and girls.  And in some times, like these times, the best decision is to make an immediate decision.

The world needs a new stability — a new post recession status quo ante.  And we need it now, before the recession has even ended.

So everybody ante up.

I’ve got a friend… no, that’s not the news here, well, not all of it. He’s a friend who’d rather score points in a conversation (aka rant) than win the argument or actually get something done.

He had a great job at one time, but he spent all his time, talking about his revolutionary ideas, fighting with bosses about them, and in after-work hours hammering his points home with co-drinkers.

He doesn’t have that job anymore. But that’s okay. He can go for an hour straight at the mention of the job, telling his conversation victims why he was right.

Why did this pop into my head? Because I”ve been hearing Republican leaders like Eric Cantor, John McCain, FixedNews talking heads, and others making big noises about how P. Bam isn’t talking tough enuff about Iran.

Would they, too, rather score points, than quietly win? Would they rather America made big noises about supporting “democracy” rather than doing what’s best for the Iranian demonstrators, which is of course, to shuthefckup, and not give the Ayatollahs a chance to claim the violence is a plot of the “Great Satan”.

Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Walk softly and carry a big stick.” Maybe the Big Noises should heed his words.

Internet advertising just plain honks me off.  Especially when I want to read an article or see a video, and instead I get an upfront commercial.

Don’t the advertisers realize that I put them on the Spamvertizers list in my head? And that I’ll never ever buy their product?

Well, the only way I will buy their product is if their advertising is so unmemorable that I forget them like that fat girl I met on Spring Break at the Wet T-Shirt contest, who, now that I think about, I remember all too well.

So now that I think about thinking about it, my memory for painful things like Blobbera and spamvertising does not portend well for the spamvertisers on my list!

Ingredients
• 2 oz dark rum
• 1 oz Punt e Mes red vermouth
• 1 oz lemon juice
• 1/2 oz orange juice
• 3 1/2 oz cold 7-Up®

Directions
Fill a frosted collins glass with broken ice from a glacier.
Pour in rum and red vermouth.
Add juice.
Top with 7-Up®.
Stir with icicle.
Add a spiral of lemon.
Garnish with an orange wedge and cherry.
Serve with straws.

Rush with the right fix

Ingredients
• prescription meds
(as many as you can scam from multiple docs)
• Coors Light

Directions
Take a handfull of meds.
Pop ‘em.
Wash them down with the Silver Bullet.
Go on a rant about Liberal Values and how they are ruining the real America where real Americans stand for real American values.
Blame everything on Barack, Pelosi, Hillary or some kid that just testified before Congress.
Repeat dosage when you start to get lucid.