We Americans live in a time of zero sacrifice. We think what’s good for us is what’s best for everyone. And if it isn’t good for everyone, screw everyone else. We are the Selfish Society.

It doesn’t matter to us if some new program up before Congress is good for the country as a whole. If it doesn’t make our lives better now, if it requires the slightest sacrifice, we’re against it. Sorry, I misstated that. If it looks like in the future, it possibly could lead to a slippery slope that could lead to a slight sacrifice, we’re against it.

It used to be said, “What’s good for General Motors is good for America.” Now it’s like “What’s good for me is all that matters.”

Jack Kennedy, that silly dreamer, said, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” When did that get turned around? When did it become politically correct to think, “Screw you, Jack, I’ve got mine”?

When a Michael Douglas movie character said, “Greed is good,” we knew he was the bad guy, which meant that he was wrong. How did Gordon Gecko get to be the good guy whose philosophy is now a mantra for half the people in the country?

I believe in the philosophy of the bigger pie. I don’t believe if everyone protects their cherries, we’ll never get it cooked.

I believe if we make some sacrifices now, it will pay off in the future for everyone, including me, even it means I’m the one who must sacrifice now.

I’m willing to give up a cherry or two now for a piece of pie later.  Are you?

Our enemy is not the 40 freedom fighters Al Queda’s has in Afghanistan. It’s 40 enemies who have infiltrated America’s government and are bent on destroying it.

They want to paralyze America’s government using guerrilla tactics. They want to “Freeze America Totally” and they are succeeding. They are winning the undeclared war.

The other day, the enemies passive-aggressive protest shut down the Senate Committee tasked with solving global warming. That’s their newest battle tactic, shutting down things. And it worked. The bill can’t get out of committee now. So no global warming bill. No cap and trade.

They have tried to freeze the full Health Care Bill, of course, but they are also preventing consideration of the Veterans’ Caregiver and Omnibus Health Benefits Act. One issue at at time they are paralyzing our government.

Yes, you guessed it, the enemy is the GOP, and their SWAT team are the 40 members of the US Senate. 41 if you count good old Joe.

These pretend patriots are kicking America’s ass and we are not even fighting back. We’re taking it. We’re not even mad as hell. Some of us didn’t even realize we were at war.

You think, I’m exaggerating, don’t you. You think I’m sounding like a conspiracy theory nutcase, a babbling Beck or lefty Limbaugh, who you don’t take seriously, because they are wackjobs. So was the painter with the mustache.

Republicans are boycotting the Environment and Public Works Committee hearings, blocking action by exploiting a committee rule that at least two members of the minority have to be present before opening markup. On Wednesday, ranking Republican James Inhofe of Oklahoma, the foremost denier of global warming, made a brief appearance at the hearing, dropped an IED and left.

Republican Tom Coburn of Oklahoma is the freedom fighter preventing consideration of S 1963, the Veterans’ Caregiver and Omnibus Health Benefits Act of 2009, by using putting a hold on a bill.

They have stopped the nomination of the Surgeon General during a declared epidemic.

This is not coincidence.

The plan, as we all know, is the plan authored by Rush Limbaugh. Make a Obama fail, the GOP can take back power. And if America is destroyed in the process, so be it.

If you’ve seen Glenn Beck lately, all he talks about it revolution.

This is not just Dick Nixon’s Dirty Tricks Team. This is serious stuff and we’d better take it seriously. But I don’t see anybody doing so.

Be aware that America is not going to win this war. We can’t. We have met the enemy, and old Pogo was right, he is us.

The enemy took two states in the recent elections without a shot fired. And we discovered a lot of people are with them, judging by FoxNews ratings, which did better than all other networks combined. Yes, more people watched the returns on Fox than CNN and MSNBC combined. The propaganda is working.

The enemy wants to “Freeze America Totally” so that Dems will get depressed and sit at home so that next year the enemy can take back power. And if we don’t wake up the FAT-heads are going to do it.

It’s up to me to cogitate a solution to the war in Afghanistan for the sake of Texamerica. Because I’m pretty sure us Teabaggin’ patriots won’t be able to secede if America is in the middle of a never-ending war we don’t know how to pay for.

I think I need to do this, even if it saves Joe Biden’s job from Arianna Huffington and her Army of Hufpos, whatever they are.

The Republicans and Dumocrats have got themselves all twisted up in a pisspoor “either or” situation when it comes to next steps on Afghanistan. Seems to me America’s choice is not between good and bad, or even bad and worse. It’s between bad and we have no idea. No idea how much. No idea how long.

But I think we should forget the “either or” and do neither.

I have a plan which I call “The Brer Rabbit Briar Patch Plan.” I was going to call it the “Noni The Intern Saves America From Obama Plan” but I decided not to, because nobody else would call it that, and I’d rather be the one to name it.

Anyway the plan is simple, and comes in only seven steps which is short enough to do on Letterman and still let him get in three jokes about Nancy Pelosi or Sarah Palin.

Phase One: Full Disclosure. We tell everybody what we’re fixing to do. The whole plan. Hell, it’ll leak out anyway. Big Mouth McCrystal will give a speech. Or some ex-Colonel consulting at MSNBC will figure it out and tell everybody and their mothers showing it all on a big-ass Google map.

As I see it, this ain’t a game of Texas Hold’em where you hide your hole cards. It’s like chess, which I don’t play, but I like the pieces, especially the Queens.

Phase Two: The Bugout. We just scadaddle out of Afganistan. You know, scoot. Hit the road, Jack. Haul ass out of the whole country. Every single GI, diplomat, tourist, CIA interrogator, aid worker, and hooker.

Phase Three: Operation Briar Patch. We wait for the Taliban or al Queda or the Drug Warlords or whoever wants to take over to go ahead and take over. Occupy anything they want. We watch them with all our satellites and drones and CNN, which is where most politicians get their news, anyway. Even Republican congressman aren’t dumb enough to watch FoxNews except when they’re on, and MSNBC is like Dumocrat Central.

Anyway, we let them Bad Guys get all settled in what I call the Briarpatch. But it’s actually like a reverse briarpatch for you Joel Chandler Harris’ fans. BTW: I like Uncle Remus characters more than Pooh and Christopher Robin any old day. Although, I used to have a boyfriend I called Eyore because he… well, nevermind.

Phase Four: Blitz ‘em. Now the American Armed Forces get to do what they know how to do. Shock and Awe the snot out of them. Missiles from ships. Tomcats. Drones. Exploding frisbees. Everything we got, cept nukes. We bomb them bad boys back to the Juraissic. I was going to say Stone Age, but mostly except for IEDs and Stingers, they are mostly already living in the Stone Age.

Phase Five: Maybe we puts boots on the ground. Maybe we don’t. I’d hope not, but that’s what Army guys like to do, or it isn’t a real war to them. Either way in two weeks we pull everybody back out of the country.

Phase Six: We declare victory. Then we have a champaign party in the street outside the UN where I get an award from Rush Limbaugh for saving the world, or at least America, which is the only part of the world we care about.

Phase Seven (my lucky number): We wait and see if anybody else wants to play. I don’t think they will.

Actually, if Osama or the Taliban knew the whole plan from the beginning to end, do you think they’d go anywhere near Kabul? I don’t think they’re that dumb.

I see this like Gorilla Warfare. Not guerilla, which is hard to spell, but Gorilla. And the US of A is the 9 billion pound Gorilla. Well, hell, if we’re the damn Gorilla, let’s act like it. Let’s beat our chests let our enemies know we’re ready to tear down their outhouse. And we can do it on the cheap in a matter of days.

I think our enemies would see the light. I don’t think we’d just win. I don’t think they’d even want to play.

I really mean it.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is playing this Healthcare end-game all wrong.

Harry is acting like an old school Senator. Like a gentleman. Albeit a gentleman who cheats at golf and poker, but still a gentleman. Harry is playing by the Senate rules. He is all inside politics, making promises, testing different nuances, figuring out how he can jury-rig a meaningful Healthcare bill through the Senate — when he should be ramming it through, and destroying anyone who gets in the way.

Harry has demonstrated already that his attempts to herd the cats that are his colleagues isn’t working. If he doesn’t get tough soon, it is going to be more like herding dysfunctional lemmings who can’t even agree which cliff to jump off.

Harry needs to start attacking. And he just doesn’t have the equipment for it.

Yes, I’m saying that Harry Reid doesn’t have a Dick.

There comes a time when America needs a big Dick. And Harry ain’t swinging one.

I think we can all agree that Dick Cheney is a powerful attack Dick. He is brutal and relentless. A Dick with no conscience. But a trickier Dick might be even better.

I believe the Dems need a Dick Nixon to step up to the plate. And he needs to a serving Senator. Keith Olbermann and Alan Grayson just won’t cut it.

The Dems Attack Dick (DAD?) must let America know that Joe Lieberman and the Kill-Americans 40 (aka Republicans) are ruining America, not only on Healthcare but on everything they oppose, which is everything Obama was elected upon.

Unfortunately, Obama has to be the good cop he promised to be. A bipartisan cop. Obama also believes in separation of powers, which means the Senate has to do this by themselves.

If Harry can’t grow his own Dick, my candidate is Chuck Schumer. Chuck is a New Yorker and I think we can all agree that New York produces the Biggest Dicks In The World,

When we get a big Dem Dick, he needs to go on the attack and not let up. Inside the party and outside. Scorched Earth! Take no prisoners. Our way or the cemetery. All the Dirty Dick Tricks that the Republicans use.

It’s a Dirty Dick, but someone has to swing it.