After a long period of utter bafflement, I have finally figured out why the Right and the Left can’t agree on anything. And probably never will.

Liberals think. Righteous Righties don’t. What NeoCons, Teabaggers, and FoxNoisers do may appear to be rationale thinking, but it is really thunking. Yes, thunking. Thinking involves something like the scientific method, where a rational person has an idea (hypothesis) and tests against the real world, and then makes a decision about whether they were correct or not. Righties work from a set beliefs and extrapolate from there. Not clear? Let me explain.

In case you missed FoxNews for the last ten years, NeoCons think Progressives are clueless, stupid Libtards ruining their America. NeoCons know what Progressives have forgotten, that the USA is still fighting the good fight against socialism and communism — only now enemies like Russia and China have been replaced with everybody who doesn’t believe as they do, starting with the Liberal Left and extending to the Centerist Republican heretic traitors here in the USA.

The Righteous Righties passionately feel Obama must fail, even if the country is screwed blue in the process. They must fight change at every baby step. They must defend pure American Conservatism at all costs.

A good example of their strategy is revealed in the election in the New York 24th Congressional District, where they’ve formed a circular firing squad to destroy a moderate in their own party in order to send a message to the rest. In this process they will probably cause Republicans to lose yet another Congressional seat. The 24th is their Alamo. They are saying to the rest of the party, our way or the highway to the cemetery for the GOP.

There seem to be two kinds of Conservatives. Conservative to the point of irrationality. And Conservative to the point of insanity.

Please remember, those who are destroying their own political base and putting America at risk with their nay-saying are the good guys, the patriots, the irrational Righteous Righties. The completely insane, far-far-rightwing Nutjobs would rather secede from the union than live in a moderate America where they can’t carry guns to church to shoot illegal immigrants who might be sneaking by on the way to the emergency room.

It wasn’t easy for me to comprehend how such a deep enmity could exist when both Democrats and Republicans been brought up in the same country, gone to the same schools, read the same history, the same books, even watched the same tv. I mean, we’re the same, aren’t we?

Yet, with all that in common, we don’t agree on much of anything. And that disagreement is getting nastier. And deeper. And nastier. And deeper!

This realization made me examine my basic assumption. Maybe we are more different than we are the same. Maybe we’re as different as Klingons and Munchkins.

My sartori is that Righteous Righties and Progressive Lefties really weren’t brought up in the same country in the same way. We don’t think the same. The religious Righties were brought up to follow the word of others rather than science or logic. And the current societal war is the end product of that upbringing.

This is my epiphany. “Righteous Righties don’t think. They apply what’s been thunked.”

“Thunked” is not a typo. Let me explain.

What Righties do, it seems like thinking, but isn’t. They no longer have original thoughts. They take rules developed in the past and apply them to the present. That’s how they were taught — learning the literal word of God as stated in whatever translation of their Holy Bible they use.

The thunkers find solutions to current problems by applying what has been thunk by their predecessors.

Examples?

Our proposed Missile Defense Shield in which Bush was trying to build the last fortress of the Cold War. Even though Bush pretended we were protecting Europe from Iran, both the Russians and our leaders knew what the real reason for the missile placement was. Because to thunkers, the Cold War isn’t warming any more than Planet Earth. The Cold War is still on and Righteous Righties are still fighting communism. I’m not sure why, but they are. That’s just how they thunk.

Then there’s Global Warming which they still adamantly deny — in spite of the collective judgment of the scientific community. Once upon a time, they believed Global Warming was sci-fi, bs, mumbo jumbo, so they still do. Ask Senator James Inhofe, he’ll tell you.

Let’s face it, if scientists are wrong on creationism, evolution, and global warming, then why listen to them on anything? Why apply the scientific process to anything? Just look for an answer that has already been thunked.

Now we are dealing with a potential changes in Health Care system in which sustaining the status quo is their only objective. This is not because what we have now is better than what we could have, but because the Thunkers have declared Big Government is bad. And they’ve declared that America has better Healthcare than Canada or Europe or anywhere. It has been thunked. Therefore, it is.

If this sounds reminiscent of the cliché of Generals always trying to fight the last war, it is. Their Maginot Line is the Status Quo.

Their old style thunking does not help solve today’s complex, nuanced problems. So they don’t try. So it is better to say “No, let’s keep the Staus Quo.” And from their point of view, they are right. Because from their point of view, all change is bad.

The top tier Conservative Thunkers can brilliantly reiterate what was thunked before. That’s 2009 Conservatism. That’s driving thru the rear view mirror. That’s the reason we don’t see the world the same way. Progressives like our President are peering down a foggy road to see what’s ahead. NeoCons and Teabaggers are more concerned with what’s behind, and in following that line in the road in the mirror — even when it doesn’t get them where they want to go.

Look at the history of Great Depression which began with a Wall Street crash not unlike our financial meltdown. Compare the tight-ass spending policies of Herbert Hoover that pulled us deeper into the depression with what the Righties are saying now. It is the same. Stop spending. It’s time for the government to tighten their belts. Don’t create a big national debt for our grandchildren to pay off. Duh!

The Righteous Righties have a set of beliefs that they will follow no matter what. Even when something has been proven not to work, and it could plunge the world into a decade of disastrous depression, it doesn’t matter. They have their Conservative Principles to keep them warm.

Thunkers live in the intellectual past. They revere the Constitution, and the simplistic science of 150 years ago. They want the social status quo of a simpler world they grew up with.

Evangelicals revere the Holy Bible, just as much as Islamic terrorist revere the Koran. Both take the words literally.

I was taught to take lessons from the parables of Jesus, and to treat the bible as one big lesson, Old Testament and New. I was brought up to believe that approach to the bible can make it work in real life in this century.

Literally interpreting the bible to believe the world was created in six days and on the seventh God watched football, that doesn’t work. It leads to denying not only evolution, but all science. But that’s what they want to do anyway, so what the hey.

Righties also revere the words of Ronald Reagan. But to them, whether the words are in the Bible, the Constitution or are oft repeated Reaganisms, the words and meanings are all literal. They have very little ability to think it through the words to a new and better conclusion.

When it comes to refocusing and rebuilding their grand old party, every day a different one of their leaders channels what Ronald Reagan had thunk. And the rest break into applause.

Can we ever see eye-to-eye? I don’t see how. Not as long as we exist on completely different astral planes. And as long as they won’t think fresh thoughts, and we don’t respect their thunking, we can’t get together any more than Keith Olbermann and Colerguiest.

What can we do?

First, let’s try to clearly understand the other side.

If you are a Righteous Rightie reading this, you must understand that Liberals don’t speak your language, and don’t accept your basic premises, they don’t want to take the proven path back to better times, and they won’t be convinced by arguments that were made by the founding fathers, or Ronald Reagan, or the Fair and Balanced truth tellers on FoxNews. Because basically, Libtards were brought up wrong, and they think wrongly.

If we Progressives want change to make a better world, we must understand the Righties don’t speak our language and never will. We can speak, but they can’t understand. Because basically, NeoCons and Teabaggers were brought up wrong with the different values, and they can’t think. They can only thunk.

There is not and may never will be common ground between Liberals and Conservatives. As far down the road as I can see, Conservatives will not waver in their negativity. Progressive will not stop thinking about tomorrow.

So now that we understand each other, what can we do?

Progressives must form strategies and tactics based on the reality that we can’t get there from here. At least we can’t do it together.

There can be no compromise with the Righteous Right. Tune in next week and I’ll let you in on all the details.

Note: I borrowed the concept of thunking from the philosopher Larry Rosenthal who introduced the concept back in 1980’s in his digital comedy zine aptly titled tHunk. This theft makes me wonder if I thought this all up, or if I was merely thunking. OMG, soon I might be talking like Michelle Bachman or Glenn Beck with thunks instead of thoughts. Ahhhhhhhhh!
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Bi-partisianship has failed. It takes two to bi, and Republicans don’t want to try.

The GOP has decided that for their side to win Obama, Pelosi, Healthcare, and Americans in need, all must lose. So they are singing that classic Groucho Marx ditty.

“I don’t know what they have to say, it makes no difference anyway.
Whatever it is, I’m against it.”

The GOPeers are singing in unison and they are pulling it off. Regular folks are humming along.

“Your proposition may be good, but let’s have one thing understood —
whatever it is, I’m against it!”

Obama believes that we will have better laws and better governance if we can achieive bi-partisianship. He’s right, by that I mean correct, but bi-partisianship just won’t work. At least, not now.

“And even when you’ve changed it or condensed it,
 I’m against it.”

The only possible way to get bi-partisianship on the next big issue is for Dems to totally go it alone on Healthcare. Continually reaching out a hand of bi-partisianship and getting it bit just makes Obama look weak. And the polls seem to show his efforts aren’t working.

The way to achieve bipartisan support is to demonstrate that if GOPers don’t want to play, America doesn’t need them. The votes and the will are there to make laws in which they have no input. The best they can do is vent on FoxNews to position themselves for the next election.

A campaign must be launched that makes Americans aware that Republicans are not needed to solve America’s problems.

“No matter what it is or who commenced it,
I’m against it.”

The Dems need to put the BAM on them. And do it hard.

Maybe the Republicans will start to understand, and put some effort into compromise. Or maybe they’ll scream they’ve been a victim of death panels. If so, it seems to me that they’ve shot themselves.

“Whatever It Is, I’m Against It” Lyrics by Bert Kalmar with music by Harry Ruby, performed by Groucho Marx in Horse Feathers (1932)

NeoCons like to scare us silly. It’s worked before, well enough to frighten us into war. Now, they threaten to secede from the Union. It’s not only Texas Governor Rick Perry. Now the billions and billions of right-thinking people with major sign-making chops from the 9/12 march are taking up the cry of the secession banshee. Ooo-o-ooo-out!

In spite of our President’s continued efforts, reconciliation is impossible between the rightwingnuts and the rest of America. There can be no common ground, because they will not allow any common ground that isn’t strewn with political IEDs.

They say they want to secede. I say let them. They already live in Fantasyland.

Well, not secede exactly, because I don’t think they should be able to take all the red states with them like Dick Armey has planned. They can have Texas. Oh yeah, and Oklahoma which most of us wouldn’t miss, if it meant getting rid of everyone who marched on 9/12 or supported Joe Wilson’s rallying cry of freedom!

The Patton Lee Beaugus Succession Plan gives them the opportunity to opt out of America.

They can opt out of having to accept a lying, socialist, mulatto President. They can be led instead by class act white people like Joe Wilson and Sarah Palin. They can opt out of Health Care. They can live without medical malpractice suits. They can outlaw abortion, premarital sex, and gayness, which is a disease without a cure.

In their little bit of heaven on earth, they can all carry two guns, a knife and a flamethrower to Church. They can pray before football games and bite the heads off snakes or for the moderates, frogs. They can have it their way.

The secessionists would be citizens of the Original America or the Real America or The Republic of Texas, or whatever name they’d want to call it. They could even call it God’s Republic of Texas, and it could combine Church and State and morality and law like a mirror image of Iran.

Their Land of the Free could be a Republic but not a Democracy and eliminate the lower house of congress. They could be led by wealthy and wise white people supported by the corporations they so believe in. They could have a totally laissez-faire economy with zero regulations.

They could have the Confederate flag (or RCN standard) flying proudly over factories that would not have to deal with pollution standards, and could burn coal until the skies turned black and the birds coughed instead of chirping.

They could have their own cable tv system which would consist only of Fox, FoxNews, ESPN and all the Christian channels.

To give up Texas, and maybe Oklahoma which I think we should throw in even if they don’t want it… to give these states up to have all of their morality and goodness taken out our lives, and kept on their side of the fence which they would certainly build, that would be something many of us would be more than glad to live with.

How Noni The Intern Started The Revolution
and find out what happens when When Secession Succeeds
Research says, “Texamerica Can Secede!”

I have heard it said many, many, too many times by too many pundits that the GOP problem is that it has become a regional party, a southern party. And the dems are saying “Yee-Haw!”

Regionalism is not the GOP’s problem. Losing the all the northeast congressional delegations is a symptom, not the disease. Regionalism is the end result, not the cause.

The cause of the problem is that the GOP has accepted the Boss Hogg premise that it is every man for himself. If you judge by the latest actions in the town hall meetings, Republican party members seem to believe that every individual fighting for his own short-term self interest will be what’s best for America. And they will shout you down if you have a different opinion.

There does not seem to be a sense of responsibility for the greater good either among the leaders or the rank and file. There seems to be no sense of caring what the other person thinks or feels. The goal is to stop the other side from winning, to shout the other side down. The goal is to shut down the process, to protect the status quo, because the status quo seems to be working for those it is working for. And if it doesn’t work for others, too bad.

This attitude may be a trickle down evolution of the old adage of what was good for General Motors was good for America. The idea back then being that what was good for American business was what was good for America. And because that was true to a certain degree, it caught on. It was extended to the idea of what’s good for my business is good for America. And now it’s all about each individual looking out for Numbero Uno, sorry number one. We don’t want to infect this blog with foreign language of people who don’t vote Republican anyway.

I believe this me-first-ism comes with a dose of short-sighted-sism. I believe Republicans have become so near-sighted they can’t see the forest for the forest fires they are lighting. They care so much about themselves in the short term, they are sacrificing what is good for them in the long term — both for individuals and for the party.

The GOP leaders seem more concerned with tactics rather than strategy. And on a tactical level, the Republicans are winning. But I see that as winning the battles on the way to losing the war.

When Republican leaders inspire the party faithful to extend their vision, and think strategically about the bigger picture and to understand the concept of the bigger pie, the Grand Old Party will make its comeback. And if they don’t, the Dukes will continue to kick their big ole Boss Hoggie butts.