Written Under Divine Inspiration by Paddy The Prophet

As a child who thought as a child, I believed what I was taught by nuns with sharp rulers that there was only one God. One God? No problem, Sister Torquemada.

Then the nuns taught me about the Holy Trinity. God the Father. God the Son. And God the Holy Ghost, who changed is name sometime before I graduated from High School to the Holy Spirit. But I still think of him sorta like Casper, and I’m not into people who change their names. So He’ll always be the Holy Ghost to me.

As we all know, even you heathen unbelievers who never even bought a pagan baby, that important books have been written about the Father and the Son, and they’ve sold a lot of copies. There have been beaucoup paintings, a movie where He costarred with Charlton Heston, songs, mural on ceilings, concertos and even a tv series with Michael Landon. I mean, over the centuries, this dynamic duo has been bigger than Buddha or the Beatles, or even Brangelina!

But what about the poor Holy Ghost? He’s not even in the Old Testament. And He’s like a few oblique one-liners in the New One. I’m not sure He even existed until Holy Mother The Church, yes, that’s what the nuns called the Pope and his henchmen, until the one Holy and Apostolic Church declared that The Father could not have knocked up Mary because… well, I’m not sure of the because, but it has something to do with sex without marriage being a mortal sin. And like how could the Daddy God do the hunka-chunka with the Virgin Mary without it being a sin, which would mean he wasn’t God, which would have put all the Bishops and priests out of a job. So it just couldn’t be!

This problem was solved by the realization that there must be another way, and I don’t mean anal, and that it must have been God’s Evil Twin who done the dirty deed on the sleeping teenager.

But wait, as you amateur theologians just figured out, then that would mean two Gods, and we can’t have that. Or next thing you know we’d have Zeuses and Thors and pagan gods who do the nasty in the shape of swans and other heretical perversions that a well-brought-up Christian God just wouldn’t do.

So the Trinity was roughed out by The Church Fathers at the Council of Nicaea in 325. And after a while, some people got confused. So some Pope who isn’t in Wikipedia delivered a Papal Bull, which is a lot like it sounds, to proclaim the Trinity. As you Catholics might remember from your Baltimore Catechism all the Popes are infallible in matter of faith and morals, but might think the Nazis were okay. Anyway, the Holy Trinity was declared to consist of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

That’s how it stood, century after century, even surviving the Protestant Reformation, the Spanish Inquisition, and Pat Robertson — until last night.

Last Night the Holy Spirit appeared to me. At first I was afraid, especially to roll over and give Him a shot at my backside, but then His Caspar qualities showed themselves and I was able to listen to His story.

He said He like my writing style and wanted me to write Him up. Give Him his own book. Like a New New Testament. I told Him I didn’t have an agent or a publisher and the best I could do was a Blog.

He decided to take the Blog, this Blog, with the hope that a writer with an agent and a publishing contract and maybe even a three picture movie deal would get inspired to pick up the idea and run with it. He mentioned Mel Gibson, but I think He’s aiming too high.

I mentioned He might consider doing some of those “Sleep Creep” videos for the Internet, but He wants something with more class.

I said, I’d write His Story, but I needed more background to even write a blog. I asked if He’d done anything else but the Mary thing, and he said he hadn’t. So I asked about Mary, and He said, “She was Good!”

I told him that if I’m going to do this for Him, He needs to do something more that I can write about. And He said He’ll do anything or anybody for the publicity. And He’ll work for food as long as he isn’t paid in bread or wine, for which Jesus holds the rights.

He also implied unless I can make Him bigger than Pink, who He’s a fan of (go figure!), unless I got him some ink, somebody was going to Hell. I think He meant me.

Please contact me at this Blog to make Him an offer. Please! The future of eternal soul hangs in the balance. Of course, after writing this, I’m probably going to hell anyway.

Here endeth the revelation.