Now that P.Bam has put the nation’s racial problems back on the back-burner with Beer Summit I, what else needs beering up?

We think that our President as “leader of all the people” needs to take a shot at stopping the carnage that is the Bill O’Reilly vs Keith Olbermann Mouth-Off.

It is reported that there is a deal between Rupert Murdoch of Fox which owns FoxNews and the top corpies of General Electric which owns MSNBC.  The deal is basically, “your sneaky little pisssant doesn’t teepee my house with legal papers, and my bigass prick won’t leave dog poop in a burning paper bag on your doorstep.”

The deal ain’t never gonna work. No way.

In this agreement O’Reilly’s company must stop suing every executive who is above Olbermann in the pecking order, which is quite a few. Olbermann, in turn, will have to backthefckoff. Yeah, right.

According to the our sources, Keith Olbermann will not be able to call Fox “Fixed News” or “FoxNoise” or other worse stuff that starts with an F sound.  That might happen, for a while. But Keith Got Teeth is also prohibited from referng to Mr. O’Reilly as “Billo The Clown” or “Bill Orally.” Never happen.

Keith won’t even be able to make up new insults like “Bill Ho’Reilly” which will stifle his creativity something fierce.

Keith also won’t be able to make luffa jokes in the midst of faux phonesex calls from Bill to his female producers. Keith might not even be able to name Bill “Worst Person In The World” for more than three consecutive nights.

If all this supposition is true, Keith’ll have to go to a half hour format, which will add another half hour to Rachel Maddow’s show.

Bill will probably have to stop his Ambush Producer from attacking MSNBC personnel while they are using a public urinal, eating with their family, or coming out of motel room with an intern.

I’ll tell you now, this deal is dead before it gets going. Olbermann made his bones, making fun of his competitor. Keith isn’t gonna stop.

Bill will be okay because he is sneakier and more subtle than Keith. Bill might be able to hide his attacks, after all, he’s managed to never say Olbermann’s name on the air. OR’s the only man that could deliver nothing but total spin in a No Spin Zone — and get away with it.

Of course, in comparison to Bill, Keith has all the subtlety of a springbreak rookie peeing from a motel balcony into a pool full of coeds two stories below.

How can a magilla like this ever have a happy ending? Only if P.Bam comes to the rescue with a new bigger, better Beer Summit.  But for this one I think he might need a longer table and more than a bottle each.