Now that P.Bam has put the nation’s racial problems back on the back-burner with Beer Summit I, what else needs beering up?

We think that our President as “leader of all the people” needs to take a shot at stopping the carnage that is the Bill O’Reilly vs Keith Olbermann Mouth-Off.

It is reported that there is a deal between Rupert Murdoch of Fox which owns FoxNews and the top corpies of General Electric which owns MSNBC.  The deal is basically, “your sneaky little pisssant doesn’t teepee my house with legal papers, and my bigass prick won’t leave dog poop in a burning paper bag on your doorstep.”

The deal ain’t never gonna work. No way.

In this agreement O’Reilly’s company must stop suing every executive who is above Olbermann in the pecking order, which is quite a few. Olbermann, in turn, will have to backthefckoff. Yeah, right.

According to the our sources, Keith Olbermann will not be able to call Fox “Fixed News” or “FoxNoise” or other worse stuff that starts with an F sound.  That might happen, for a while. But Keith Got Teeth is also prohibited from referng to Mr. O’Reilly as “Billo The Clown” or “Bill Orally.” Never happen.

Keith won’t even be able to make up new insults like “Bill Ho’Reilly” which will stifle his creativity something fierce.

Keith also won’t be able to make luffa jokes in the midst of faux phonesex calls from Bill to his female producers. Keith might not even be able to name Bill “Worst Person In The World” for more than three consecutive nights.

If all this supposition is true, Keith’ll have to go to a half hour format, which will add another half hour to Rachel Maddow’s show.

Bill will probably have to stop his Ambush Producer from attacking MSNBC personnel while they are using a public urinal, eating with their family, or coming out of motel room with an intern.

I’ll tell you now, this deal is dead before it gets going. Olbermann made his bones, making fun of his competitor. Keith isn’t gonna stop.

Bill will be okay because he is sneakier and more subtle than Keith. Bill might be able to hide his attacks, after all, he’s managed to never say Olbermann’s name on the air. OR’s the only man that could deliver nothing but total spin in a No Spin Zone — and get away with it.

Of course, in comparison to Bill, Keith has all the subtlety of a springbreak rookie peeing from a motel balcony into a pool full of coeds two stories below.

How can a magilla like this ever have a happy ending? Only if P.Bam comes to the rescue with a new bigger, better Beer Summit.  But for this one I think he might need a longer table and more than a bottle each.

I was watching Y.La’s confirmation hearing on PBS last week, when the Wise Latina’s testimony was about race, which was interrupted by some talking head mentioning that President Obama was raised by his white grandmother. That got me thinking. (Thinking is always a dangerous thing.  That’s why when I don’t want to think I watch FoxNews.)

Being raised by a white grandma, it’s like P. Bam is white inside. Wait a moment! White inside? There’s a word for that.  A nasty word. A word us white boys shouldn’t say.  And the word for black outside and white inside is Oreo.

When a brutha calls another brutha an Oreo, it is an insult one step more denigrating than calling him an Uncle Tom, which is the nice way of saying what Malcom called a “house nigger.”  Malcom described as house nigger as one who when asked how old Masta was doing would say, “We is feeling peekid today” because the slave’s identity was only an extension of the masta’s.

What is strange is that it is difficult for me to even write those terms without feeling like a racist, which I’m not because I hate everybody equally.  You don’t need to be a certain race or color or perversion for me to dislike you.  Just being you is usually enuff.

Anyway, I think P.Bam is an Oreo.  I mean that in a good way, or at least an observational, non-judgemental, please-don’t-shoot-me way.  I even think he is so white inside he’s a Double-Stuff Oreo.

In the olden days, which is like last year, I thought Clarence Thomas was the world’s biggest Oreo. I did not mean that in a good way.  Justice Thomas was appointed to be the Republican’s Supreme “House Nigger” and he is now Anton Scalia’s black-robbed, punk-ass, intellectual bitch.  And I think Clarence Of Pubic Hair Fame gives the word Oreo a bad name.

So I want to change the meaning of Oreo. Because I like Oreos.  I want it okay for a brutha to be white inside as long it isn’t suck-up ersatz white. I want it to be okay for paddy-ass mofos like me to be chocolate inside, too. I want it to be okay for a wise Latina to dress British and think Yiddish.

We should all acknowledge that what’s inside is what matters.  And P.Bam being an Oreo shouldn’t matter to either blacks or whites.

It doesn’t matter to me.  I like Obama even knowing he’s an Oreo.  And I can still dislike you on appearances alone, rather than worrying about what’s inside.

I think of this as a win-win scenario.

My typing sucks because my fingers are dyslexic — so dyslexic I’m thinking of applying for a handicapped space bar on my keyboard.

Anyway, I wanted to type the words “Great Satan” in this blog that isn’t this particular blog, and it came out “Great Satin” and I thought, “Whoa!  The Great Satin.  That’s sound kinda cool. Much cooler than what I was writing at the time, anyway.”

I had a sartori, which is not an item of clothing worn by a geisha.  My sartori was that P. Bam is the Great Satin.  As smooth as, at least.

So when I’m next protesting in Tehran, Baghdad, or Munster, Indiana, “the Great Satin” is what I’m putting on my sign under a photo of a mutty-dude with really big ears.

I think it’ll get a lot of attention. Maybe even make the cable news if I send in my own iReport.

And if that works, I can rent the other side of the sign for a local White Sile.