Totally Beaugus

Tag: pain

Study Shows Redheads Are Super-Sensitive Mutants

by Sensei Yo on Aug.08, 2009, under Beaugus News, TechTalk

yo_6920Studies show that we superior mutants with the power of red hair feel more pain according to new research published in The Journal of the American Dental Association.

Researchers concluded that we redheads are more sensitive to pain because of a mutation in our gene that affects hair color. In you mundane humans with normal hair, the gene for the melanocortin-1 receptor, merely makes melanin. But a red-headed mutation in the MC1R gene results in the production of pheomelanin which results in red hair, fair skin, and being afraid of going to the dentist… which I certainly am.

While I consider the fear of psychotic dentists who want to stick things in my mouth to be a survival trait, that will not get me cast in a superhero part in the next X-Men movie. Not unless they need a mutant hero to scream the first time the dentist opens my mouth to look at my teeth.

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Days of Whine and Tulips

by Patton Lee Beaugus on Jul.07, 2009, under Commentary

Days of Whine and Tulips
A recession that gets personal can easily send a person into a personal depression.  And I should know.
I know because my only chance for a paying gig this year if somebody makes me the poster boy for the Recession No Stars of 09.  I think the poster people could use the photo on my brand new foodstamps EBT card, although I do look a little like I’m about to go postal.  Luckily, that crazed sparkle in my left eye happens to be a good look for me.
It is such a good picture that it gets me Senior Citizen discounts even though I’m more than a Presidential term away from 65.  I think nice lady who sells me train tickets feels sorry for a not-quite old-dude who uses his food stamp card to ask for a discount he doesn’t deserve.  At least, I hope so, because if I really look over 65, that’s even more depressing.
Please don’t start crying for me. Not yet, anyway.  I’d like to build this whine into a more and more pathetic picture. I think it would be better if you slow-build up to feeling really, really sorry for me. My goal, now that a job is out of the question, is make enough people at the same time sorry enough to shed enough tears to raise the ocean levels more than global warming. I mean, would that be poster-boy worthy, or what?
Here’s my immediate problem.  It’s an extremely pretty day.  Having lost, and having almost nothing left to lose, I don’t know whether to stop and smell the tulips, or not.  If I do stop and whiff, and take this opportunity to enjoy a moment of my life of forced leisure, is that like giving up?
Is embracing an empty moment of joy… is that like not be trying hard enough?  Is that like putting the exclamation point on Loser! with a capital L?  I guess I think it is.  And ain’t that a bummer!
Like many, I’ve been cursed by a mix of Christian work ethic (which I never signed up for) and my high school coach’s work ethic which was “No pain, no gain!”
Seems I’ve got the pain.  Gain, where art thou?
A recession that gets personal can easily send a person into a personal depression.  And I should know.
I know because my only chance for a paying gig this year if somebody makes me the poster boy for the Recession No Stars of 09.  I think the poster people could use the photo on my brand new foodstamps EBT card, although I do look a little like I’m about to go postal.  Luckily, that crazed sparkle in my left eye happens to be a good look for me.
It is such a good picture that it gets me Senior Citizen discounts even though I’m more than a Presidential term away from 65.  I think nice lady who sells me train tickets feels sorry for a not-quite old-dude who uses his food stamp card to ask for a discount he doesn’t deserve.  At least, I hope so, because if I really look over 65, that’s even more depressing.
Please don’t start crying for me. Not yet, anyway.  I’d like to build this whine into a more and more pathetic picture. I think it would be better if you slow-build up to feeling really, really sorry for me. My goal, now that a job is out of the question, is make enough people at the same time sorry enough to shed enough tears to raise the ocean levels more than global warming. I mean, would that be poster-boy worthy, or what?
Here’s my immediate problem.  It’s an extremely pretty day.  Having lost, and having almost nothing left to lose, I don’t know whether to stop and smell the tulips, or not.  If I do stop and whiff, and take this opportunity to enjoy a moment of my life of forced leisure, is that like giving up?
Is embracing an empty moment of joy… is that like not be trying hard enough?  Is that like putting the exclamation point on Loser! with a capital L?  I guess I think it is.  And ain’t that a bummer!
Like many, I’ve been cursed by a mix of Christian work ethic (which I never signed up for) and my high school coach’s work ethic which was “No pain, no gain!”
Seems I’ve got the pain.  Gain, where art thou?
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