You know that moment when your brain gets all clogged up with thoughts, and worries? Like your only life choices are between bad, worse, and screwed?

You are very aware that you need to flush that old clogged brain case out, but your cerebral cortex just won’t flush.  It is like you need Drano for your brain.  But there is no such psychic unplugger.

Voila!  Technology to the rescue. Brain Drano is invented by me, Pre! Back in only my second sophomore year.

Two slugs of Jager, one slug of Russian vodka, and one slug of pink gin. Pour all three ingredients over ice-cubes in an old fashion glass. Stir it up, assuming you do not have a laboratory centrifuge to mix it.

Use a BD 250 cc syringe to suck up the sauce from the glass. Inject directly into your brain thru your right ear.

This is such a significant scientific achievement that I felt it needed an Efficacy Test to determine if Brain Drano had achieved the desired results. Begin the test by turning on your cable tv.  Watch any FoxNews commentator for ninety seconds. If the person appears intelligent, articulate and knowledgeable, this sht is working.

Passing the efficacy test makes you officially 404 and it is safe for you to swim on the Jersey Shore among the medical waste, because you will be medical waste, too.

Most importantly, you will have a clear, clean brain with no clogs, no dilemmas, no thoughts at all.

I am Patton Lee Beaugus and I am currently searching for a blog voice. My current one is very squeaky and annoying, except when it is very deep and quite pretentious.

I think this will be a political satire kinda blog, but maybe I’ll be schlepping virtual Tupperwear or offering Russian brides that are so too good to be true, dummies will think they are true and send me money for airfare.  Time will tell.

Until I get my act together, my imaginary friends will help me out.  Sensei Yo, Noni The Intern, and the MixMaster Pre will be sharing their psychotic world views.